love is... life is...

i just feel like ranting... so bear with me...

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

...I know these verses well, since I was a young boy, too young to know about true love. But now that I'm much older, I'm still none the wiser. I think I might even have taken a few steps back. I thought I didn't know what true love was when I was a boy. But now, I realize, it was when I was a young child that I have manifested real and genuine love... from the heart.

All these love that many people speak of these days... it all seems like more like moments of lust, desire, possession, jealousy, romance, pretence, and lies. Selflessness, humility, kindness, forgiveness, and sacrifice... too few and far between.

We succumb lust, to the lure of cheap thrills. We resort to lies, to self and to others, so we can get away with it. Ignoring the voice of good sense, we choose the winding path of lies and disloyalty instead. The good times we once had, and the purity of our heart, have all but disappeared.

We chose to dwell on the fleeting physical beauty of a person, while looking past the inner beauty glowing from within; a beauty that grows even more so with the passing of time... We desire the thrill of romance and sweet talk, over the baggage of daily chores that comes along with love.

I find myself guilty of so many things... things that I know are wrong, but yet I can't rescue myself from it. Do I even know myself anymore? What is the meaning of love, and is this "love" good enough for anyone anymore?

Sometimes, I just have the wildest thoughts of leaving it all behind, going away to some snowy mountains, and just be a hermit, meditate all day, and experience true emptiness, nothingness, and peace. Yet, sometimes, I felt like going off to some disaster ravaged land, to help the hungry and the sick, to experience true self-sacrifice, compassion, and love. Am I running away from it all? Or is it just me wanting to seek and embrace the meaning and purpose of my existence? When will I ever have the courage to do all these?

When I think of the emptiness that some people faced, and then of the suffering of people and children in many parts of the world; Those who were born with mental or physical defects, and those who continue to love and care for them; Those gave up all the time of their life to work for and help the less fortunate... I have so many things to be thankful for!

To each his own, so draw your own conclusions... but for me, to love others, you have to first love yourself and cherish yourself... to help others, you have to first help yourself, and not to abuse yourself!