You've woken up the... demon... in... me...

Drowning deep in my sea of loathing
Broken your servant I kneel
(Will you give in to me?)
It seems what's left of my human side
Is slowly changing in me
(Will you give in to me?)

Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes (oh no)
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me

Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up come on get down with the sickness
You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift, that has been given to me

I can see inside you, the sickness is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
(Will you give in to me?)
It seems that all that was good has died
And is decaying in me
(Will you give in to me?)

It seems you're having some trouble
In dealing with these changes
Living with these changes (oh no)
The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me

love is... life is...

i just feel like ranting... so bear with me...

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

...I know these verses well, since I was a young boy, too young to know about true love. But now that I'm much older, I'm still none the wiser. I think I might even have taken a few steps back. I thought I didn't know what true love was when I was a boy. But now, I realize, it was when I was a young child that I have manifested real and genuine love... from the heart.

All these love that many people speak of these days... it all seems like more like moments of lust, desire, possession, jealousy, romance, pretence, and lies. Selflessness, humility, kindness, forgiveness, and sacrifice... too few and far between.

We succumb lust, to the lure of cheap thrills. We resort to lies, to self and to others, so we can get away with it. Ignoring the voice of good sense, we choose the winding path of lies and disloyalty instead. The good times we once had, and the purity of our heart, have all but disappeared.

We chose to dwell on the fleeting physical beauty of a person, while looking past the inner beauty glowing from within; a beauty that grows even more so with the passing of time... We desire the thrill of romance and sweet talk, over the baggage of daily chores that comes along with love.

I find myself guilty of so many things... things that I know are wrong, but yet I can't rescue myself from it. Do I even know myself anymore? What is the meaning of love, and is this "love" good enough for anyone anymore?

Sometimes, I just have the wildest thoughts of leaving it all behind, going away to some snowy mountains, and just be a hermit, meditate all day, and experience true emptiness, nothingness, and peace. Yet, sometimes, I felt like going off to some disaster ravaged land, to help the hungry and the sick, to experience true self-sacrifice, compassion, and love. Am I running away from it all? Or is it just me wanting to seek and embrace the meaning and purpose of my existence? When will I ever have the courage to do all these?

When I think of the emptiness that some people faced, and then of the suffering of people and children in many parts of the world; Those who were born with mental or physical defects, and those who continue to love and care for them; Those gave up all the time of their life to work for and help the less fortunate... I have so many things to be thankful for!

To each his own, so draw your own conclusions... but for me, to love others, you have to first love yourself and cherish yourself... to help others, you have to first help yourself, and not to abuse yourself!

Mizuno Run 2007

damn it. typed a page full of stuff about the run above, and the network happened to be down when i hit preview and spell check. what a waste of time, multiply should have the autosave feature like blogger! anyway, to summarize the few hundred words that i typed.

rain, wake, run, mud, water, wait, run, wait, run, finish, eat at changi vill, kayak, home, sleep.

Transformers... more than meets the eye!

Went to watch Transformers Digital on Friday morning at Cathay Grand. To me, this is now THE theatre to catch major blockbusters with lots CG and sound effects. THX, unblocked view, comfortable seats, ambient temp just right, big hall, humongous screen. Simply the best! The digital version also allows better visuals with no signs of grain and ghosting in fast action scenes.

So how was the movie? Let's just say that ct sat thru the entire show without ever grabbing my watch and asking me her usual questions like, "is this an epic?", "how long is the show?", etc. In fact, she did not shuffle in her seat or talk to me at all! After the show, she was "transforming" here and there as we walked out the hall. And she's been asking for me to bring her watch the movie again! If my big kid loved it, your kids will love it, too! In short, it doesn't feel like you sat thru 2.5 hours worth of a show, that's how enjoyable it was.

(Skip this paragraph if you haven't watch it as there may be spoilers!!!) As for me, I think the movie is very well put together. When I hear that they decided on using Peter Cullen to act as the voice of Optimus Prime, I know the producers were at least trying to make a movie for all the long time fans. When I hear Prime's voice, it sends shivers down my spine! Optimus Prime is, and forever will be, the ultimate Transformer and the most revered Autobot. He may not be the most powerful, but his charisma and compassion makes him the most respected Autobot leader among all. The build-up before introducing all the robots was pretty cool as well. They didn't rush to bring out all the robots, and when they did turn up, WOW, I was almost in tears! One of the Autobots, I think either Jazz or Ratchet or Ironhide, was doing a "Freeze" in the middle of his transformation! I must also praise the script writers, for keeping to the real Transformers soul, where most Decepticons are generally more powerful than Autobots, and resist the typical Hollywood formula of the good guy usually being better. Here, you actually worry for the good guys as they literally got torn apart and blown into pieces! However, two things that I thought could have been done better is, some of the Transformers doesn't look as distinctive as I would like, making it difficult to differentiate who's who. Other than Prime and Bumblebee, and Blackout, Barricade, Frenzy, and Scorponok, the rest are pretty difficult to identify in fast paced action sequences. The second thing I don't quite like is... although the movie was pretty funny, there were just too much of cheesy jokes(the wacky parents) and slapstick(Agent Simmons, and Frenzy, who can be deadly, but was overused as comic relief and got cut up by a girl with a chainsaw!?!).

Regardless of the downside, I think they were very brave to take on this project, as, due to the broad spectrum in terms of different age group of the fans (I watched the original series as a kid, including when Prime was Orion Pax on Cybertron), from the original Gen1 to the Japanese anime styled Beastmasters series (with I totally abhorred), there are bound to be groups of fans who will not be happy with the way certain things are done. I think the producers did a fantastic job, good enough that I want to see more of Transformers! And Megan Fox! Oh mamamamaieee......

The pains and joys of driving

These days, you really have to consider carefully whether you want to drive downtown to catch a movie. Include some makan, shopping around, and maybe some Black Forest Freeze at Coffee Bean, you can end up paying a small fortune for the toll and car park charges. Which makes me think, is it worth it to pay so much for just leaving a vehicle in a lot doing nothing? If you include the ERP toll charges, the money is good enough to pay for another person's movie ticket and black forest freeze!

But sometimes, that's the price you pay for wanting to have a little bit more luxury and comfort. I don't think its more convenient than taking public transport in Singapore. The buses and train services are already pretty efficient, and I hate searching and waiting for parking lots in malls. I do enjoy driving, but although the costs of owning a car is slowly going down, the costs of using it more than 'made up' for it. Rising toll, fuel, and parking charges, plus insurance and taxes. Makes it necessary for one to really consider why buy a car? Need vs Want. The heart, or the head, which one will you follow? Haha!

Now, back to the car. After the 5k oil change and another 3k or so of mileage, the car seems much more responsive, pick up seems to have improved as well. For a small capacity sedan, I think its performance is already very admirable. Moreover, its pretty frugal, and that translates to more direct savings. Having a CVT transmission means we don't get the 'surge' when we 'step on it'. But I must say its just a matter of getting use to it. Plus its damn smooth since there are no gear changes.

Parked side by side to the outgoing model, this ash-black beauty definitely looks more curvaceous and has more 'road presence', whatever that means, ha! I like the wide-eyed headlights, and both the front and back lamp clusters have just the right bulges at all the right places. The vehicle is not too long, so its quite easy to park, and at the same time, interior space is quite good, the flat rear floor giving ample leg room for the rear passengers. Boot space is generous without giving the car the 'honda city' look.

Although its not a performance car, it handles itself well when I put it through its paces through some winding roads and a lot of hard acceleration. The electric powered steering gives ample feedback, and the tyres grip the road without any hints of losing traction. Road undulations and irritating humps doesn't trouble the suspension, since its tuned more towards comfort rather than sporty handling.

All in all, nothing to complain about, except the ever rising costs of toll and parking!

Pillar - Frontline

Catchy riff. Powerful lyrics. Not bad at all...